the words of jesus bring so much more to the line "and i want life in every word, to the extent that it's absurd." but i do, i do. in a way i never thought possible because words and the ability to possess and utilize them makes me feel humble, and small. such tiny human hope to think that we could master a world full of syllables and vows each created with a purpose like every snowflake and every child. and though the snow melts with the spring the way paper and the ink it holds fade and deteriorate in time, the meaning it once presented is timeless.

the other night, christopher and i were talking about feeling small when you look at the sky. and how, depending on your perspective and where you're standing, you can feel like a giant, the size of one of those fireballs yourself, or like a tiny speck, the way they look from earth, lightyears away. and i love to look at them from both ways is what i learned, because when you're in a place with lights, in a town or a city, you feel so close to the top of the world, like you could touch it all if you lifted a hand. and it's magical. but in the middle of a field, your bare feet in the chilly grass on a summer night with dew beginning to form over your toes and on your skin, it's like you're a drop of dew yourself in comparison, so small, so tiny, so humble in the midst of an ocean of stars. and if you give me the big dipper, i can show you where i belong.

i read my bible tonight and i'm so happy about it. honestly. i did a bunch of homework and when i sat down and picked up my journal and then my bible i couldn't help but cry. the comfort of it, and at the same time the inadequacy it makes me feel that makes me strive to do and be more. i read job and proverbs and song of songs and matthew.

i want to live humility and be meek, and be all of love. love, and faith, and hope alone. i am held together by promises, i am made alive by hope. by the grace of god, i have found the chance of a life with a purpose and worth living.

"ask the animals and they will teach you, or the birds of the air, and they will tell you. or speak to the earth, and it will teach you. or let the fish of the sea inform you. which of all these does not know that the hand of the lord has done this? in his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind."

please do not let me be who i was yesterday anymore.

i want to have more than one or two alliances and friendly faces on this earth. the beautiful hearts i have found i love more than i knew i could hold inside of me.

 "above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering god's grace in its various forms."

i love you, i love you, i love you.